Leadership Lessons from Mom

This Mother’s Day I have a reflection drawn from my experience as a winner of the Mom Lottery. Kathryn Kilcoyne Degnan, the oldest of five girls raised in Brooklyn NY, born to Irish parents, a childhood spent during the great depression, reportedly a winner of at least one local beauty pageant, smart, funny and devoted mother of 7. Mom left us earlier than we ever expected in 1996, but not before impacting us for a lifetime.

Dad called those in Mom’s neighborhood the “Lace Curtain Irish” because even though they weren’t particularly well off, in comparison to my dad’s childhood environment in Woodside Queens, rural at the time to include outhouses, chickens and goats in the yard, Brooklyn was very upscale. Margaret and Jim Kilcoyne raised their 5 daughters with class and discipline, as evidenced by all of my aunts being similar in their grace, kindness and manners. The many great lessons mom gave us likely started with her parents.

Leaders Laugh: One evening during my college years from my bedroom at home I could hear the unmistakeable sound of mom laughing downstairs well after midnight. Curious, I headed downstairs and found mom had discovered the then new David Letterman Show. She told me all about it as I settled in and learned about Paul Shaffer the band leader and Larry Bud Melman, a regular on the show. If those don’t strike a memory, go ahead and google them. Mom introduced me to Letterman and demonstrated a sophisticated sense of humor in contrast to my dad, who had more of an appreciation for Benny Hill and the Three Stooges, which I’ll admit to inheriting.

Leaders Counsel and Coach: each one of her seven children got mom’s ear, and somehow she made the time to make sure each got one on one time through all of the chaos that went with seven siblings occupying the same house. She handled each differently, all being type A in their unique way. She guided the kids through handling 5 relocations as my dad navigated a career through General Motors. Each of the kids would have their own struggles and frustrations in those moves, some of which occurred in crucial high school years. When we moved from Miami to Dayton, Ohio as I started my sophomore year in high school, she pushed me to get more involved in in school related activities – which were not part of the landscape in Miami. I landed, happily, on the cross country team due in part to her influence.

Leaders are High Level Advisors: Mom supported and advised dad throughout his career. We will never know just how much, but occasionally we would overhear the discussions of the various characters and executives my dad would deal with at GM. It was clear to me that mom was giving dad savvy, smart advice, even at my young age. Those conversations, advising patience and a calm approach, would rattle around in my head as i climbed the corporate ladder later in life.

Leaders are Principled: Mom had high integrity and coached all of us the same way. While I worked at a local restaurant waiting tables during college, if I brought her home a dessert from said restaurant, she’d grill me on whether it was pilfered or given with knowledge by management. If she had any inkling that was taken, I’d get yelled at and the dessert would be rejected. (it was all on the up and up, should any managers of the William Penn Inn or former Chalfont Inn be reading this!).

Leaders Get On With It: Seven kids, often alone while dad travelled for the job, meals, diapers, on and on. Mom did the work. That is called leadership by example and showing us exactly what a work ethic looks like. Mom embraced the grind.

Leaders Honor the Past: Mom had an interest in our Irish heritage and told us stories of our Grandparents and forebears from County Mayo. She also awarded me with her maiden name as my middle name. As a kid I didn’t like it as each new teacher would read “Stephen Kilcoyne Degnan” aloud when taking attendance, causing snickers and teasing to come my way. Now? I love it and am proud of my unique Irish moniker.

Leaders Give Us Life Changing Perspective: Mom set in all of us a love for our Catholic Faith in all of its richness. From holding us accountable to go to mass on Sunday to showing us the real meaning of the love of Christ in its essence.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of our beautiful mothers this coming Sunday. Let them know they are not just mothers, all of them are leaders.