The Amazing Benefits of the Irish Goodbye

On this St Patrick’s Day of 2025 I would like to share some practical Irish life advice.  Yes, I’m full green blooded Irish so I’m qualified.

For many years I’d meet a group of rascals and rabble rousers at an Irish Pub in St Louis, O’Connell’s, known for its warm, authentic atmosphere.  The core group was 5 or so but we would attract many hangers on and occasional “guest stars”.  Our presence at this institution while not legendary, was certainly known in certain circles, and as our evenings grew later in the soft light reflected off of the brass ceiling, the noise and chicanery we made would grow louder.  Inevitably I would hit a point in these gatherings where I knew that if I stayed any longer, the next day would be difficult.  So, I would execute what we in the industry call, “The Irish Goodbye”.  Excusing myself to the restroom, I’d simply leave the pub via a back door and head home.    

Rude? A little.  Pragmatic? Big time!  You see trying to leave that group of scamps with a traditional announcement would have been impossible.  Arguments and accusations would ensue,and another Guinness would be shoved into my hand.  Unworkable.  Those people cannot be reasoned with.  

No one knows who did the first Irish Goodbye.  Was it St Patrick, making an early exit during the celebration that followed him evicting the snakes?  Was it Michael Collins who may have directed his Irish Goodbye at the United Kingdom? Or was it Bono, who, at the time, still hadn’t found what he was looking for?  We don’t know but most research indicates that its more of an American creation of inspired Irish culture, although some trace it to the sudden departure of many from the Emerald Isle, never to return, during the potato famine of the late 19^thcentury.  

I stumbled upon the insanely useful Irish Goodbye during my business life, spending more than 30 years at a large multinational company.  Having endured countless business dinners, sometimes stuck next to people I did not know well for many hours, the feeling of being trapped was overwhelming.   I looked longingly at exits or ways out through the kitchen or any back door available. Along the way I noticed several wise senior executives that seemed to disappear magically during the evening.  

Eventually I too learned to elegantly disappear after putting in enough time at an event to make sure I was seen.  The art is to stay long enough to be accepted as a fixture at the event.  Leave too soon and you’ll be noticed and criticized.  It’s not so much that those there will miss you, as much as they are pissed off that you got out and they are still there.  

In one case I know an Irish Goodbye saved me from real trouble.  During my MBA experience, a number of my classmates and I were hanging out at the pub at our university business school, a very nice intimate hang out.  As usual, I executed an Irish Goodbye around 9:30pm that evening, while my classmates partied on.  Let’s just say the pub closed, the bar tender left, my classmates stayed, and with every intent to pay for every round, they continued to help themselves to rounds of drinks.  This became a bit of a kerfuffle at the business school, and “there but for the grace of God go I” was running through my head as my classmates were interrogated and wrist slapped.  Bad things happen late at night.  It’s a law of physics.  

Should you adopt the Irish Goodbye?  There are rules of the trade.  First, you must be built for it.  Obviously, it’s not for social butterflies.  The Irish Goodbye is for those that like to have a bit of socializing but have limits.  It also requires a certain ability to be clinical and stoic: “I shall execute my Irish Goodbye at 10:03pm latest, regardless of the topic of conversation and who may be blocking the exit door to this banquet room!”

If done in a business environment, be sure your boss is on board with you leaving early.  I have found that most enlightened bosses are quite good at the Irish Goodbye themselves and they know what you are up to.  Just be sure they are informed so it’s not taken as a sign of disrespect.  If your boss is an experienced I-Goodbyer, you may even be seen as promotable.  

Regardless of the event, make sure the ‘business’ of the evening is over.  Whether it’s a speech made, an award given, or singing happy birthday, God forbid, make sure you were there for that.  Once the major part of the event is finished, you can excuse yourself to the restroom and skedaddle.  

Never break into a sprint as you leave regardless of how tempted you are.  That’s a bad look.

Be gracious and friendly to a majority of the those gathered while you ARE there, so that it will be less likely you are called rude when you depart.  

Don’t tell anyone what you are doing.  If you have a co-conspirator and are attempting what we call the double Irish Goodbye, don’t be seen discussing anything in a suspicious manner. 

Keep a smile on your face and look confident.  The world’s best con artists will tell you that if you look like you know what you are doing, you are halfway home.      

Eventually you will be confronted.  When this happens, you must own the situation.  Do not make up excuses such as ‘my dog was sick’’ or “I have an early flight to Schenectady’.  You must proudly and matter-of-factly state “Yep, that was an Irish Goodbye!”  Be defiant.  

Eventually you will become known for the Irish Goodbye, and this will be even better.  When they expect you to do it, you must not disappoint! Some will be annoyed with you, but many will admire your boldness and flare for the unexpected!

Friends, remember that the Irish Goodbye can save this world much heartache.  Reduced hangovers, more time with family and pets waiting for you at home and the innate satisfaction that comes with executing a well-planned Irish Goodbye.  These are the things that bolster mental health.  

Imagine me, already at home, sitting on my couch, my Labrador Retriever at my feet, TV on when my phone starts pinging with text messages, like “You #@&$$%#, you Irish Goodbyed us, didn’t you!!!”  My smile turns into an uproarious laugh as I text back, “Yes.  You’re damn right I did! LOL!!!”

Happy St Patrick’s Day to all.  May your Irish Goodbyes be safe and undetected!