On Father’s Day

Steve Degnan

Speaker, Author, Advisor, CHRO Executive, Non-Profit Board Member, Military Veteran

Facebook
X
LinkedIn
WhatsApp
Print

‘Go through life charging like a bull; you’ll get knocked down sometimes, but that’s when you get right back up and keep charging!’

  • Joe Degnan

This Father’s Day I’d like to tell you about my dad; he left this world before social media was a thing and I think he deserves his moment.  Like many other lucky people, I feel like I won the parental lottery with both Mom and Dad, but today let’s focus on Joseph Anthony Sebastian Degnan.

Dad was born the youngest of 11 kids in Woodside Queens, NY to a Longshoreman and sometime bare knuckle boxer and his loving wife: Michael and Elizabeth.  Both are legendary characters in our family history deserving their own social media moment.  He went to prestigious Regis High School after competing for a scholarship, then off to WW2, serving in the Pacific theater, in General Mac Arthur’s island hopping campaign as a Signal Corps Tech Sergeant.   After the war he went to St John’s University on the GI Bill, eventually met and married beautiful Kathryn Kilcoyne and got a job with General Motors, where he stayed until retirement at the age of 67 while raising 6 boys and a girl.

That’s a quintessential Greatest Generation story, isn’t it?  The headlines are for sure.  In between those headlines are the life of a man of unique character, charisma and intellect – at times larger than life and unforgettable to his children, including me the youngest of his seven. 

A few vignettes so you get to know Joe, or JA as we sometimes irreverently called him, better……

Dad was devout and instilled deep faith in all of us through his example.  He got on his knees in prayer before bed each night.  He was well educated but went deeper with it than most.  He’d learned Latin in High School, knew his history with context and could provide the derivation of any word you might be wondering about.  On any point he might pass along, he made sure you got it but was willing to just lay down the law when the situation called for it.  He and mom taught us the Catholic faith in all of its beauty and mystery.  I can recall we went to mass because we went to mass – it was organic – there was never any balking or questioning.   

That opening quote above, one of many I could list summarizing his philosophy in life, was all about work effort and resilience.  I don’t know that any of us have matched his, but we certainly try to.  Today’s discussions about ‘worklife balance’ would have him opining for sure….with a chuckle, a wink, a smile and some robust feedback.

He was a voracious reader, especially the Wall Street Journal, but almost everything else including novels…he was into Tom Clancy before all those movies got made.  I am thankful to have inherited that reading trait, in addition to the gout and his high blood pressure….but I digress…..

Dad kept a barber’s chair in the basement where horrific crimes against hair would be committed.  School photos in our family are chock full of crooked bangs and odd sideburns.  You could hear that chair from a mile away – it was all metal and clanged like crazy.  The male children would try to escape but could not.  ‘Hold still or you’ll get a baldy’ was heard in the fracas.  My brother Kevin and I were truly blessed because by the time we became teenagers, Dad had been promoted a few times and got too busy to mess with haircuts for the kids.  Thank you, Lord.  The older siblings like to remind us how easy we had it.  I believe them. 

During WW2, Dad contracted hepatitis likely in the Philippines.  He was relegated to a hospital for quite some time, but ultimately left one day without asking and made his way back to his unit. ‘The real heroes, the wounded, were brought in day after day missing limbs and there was no way I was going to stay among them.’ That how he explained it.  He later turned down a disability payment for liver damage from the sickness that the Army offered upon his discharge. 

He was principled and fearless in his adherence to his faith and values. He wasn’t afraid to let anyone know that. He wrote letters to editors and let people running various institutions what he thought of their performance. Colorfully. Succinctly.

Dad smoked cigars until he quit on his 50th birthday.  Not the really good ones, but Dutchmasters Panatellas.  He’d smoke in the car and would not let you crack the windows if the air conditioning was on.  Gas chamber effect.  This may be why I have never really adopted the cigar thing – even when good ones are on offer.  Scarred.

He told us of the Four P’s as his recommended strategy for getting through this life: Prayer, Positivity, Patience and Perseverance.  His life was a testament to all four. If you were struggling with any kind of issue, a pep talk from Dad would mix all four.   

Discipline was meted out with memorable humor.  A stern talking to, and as you turned to walk away, a light to medium kick in the backside while being called a ‘horse’s ass’.  The humiliation was sufficient as your siblings laughed uproariously. 

He had the gift of gab and spent his career on the commercial side of the GMC truck business.  The dealers loved him, and he sometimes got in political trouble for taking their side in disputes with the corporation.  Dad could give you a primer on most business issues and had informed opinions on any business topic. 

He’d get into long conversations with strangers frequently, while mom rolled her eyes.  He loved our extended family, dozens of aunts, uncles and cousins on both sides and loved to converse with all of them. 

For my fellow Catholics out there, that have been taught the value of suffering, here’s a good one: Dad would refuse novocain at the dentist and offer up the pain for the poor souls in purgatory.  Being a wimp in that regard, I stand in awe as to how he did that. Not sure if he ever got a root canal that way, but most definitely the fillings…. 

Candor and directness were his trademarks, sometimes with an ominous tap on the forearm. Feedback was coming whether you wanted it or not.  ‘You can do what you want, but, …..’ with the tap – oh boy.  You didn’t want that. 

His advice and guidance were tempered by wisdom won in war and life experience.  Sitting in his car in the driveway of our house in Dayton, Ohio he asked me one day during my junior year in high school, ‘What are your thoughts on college?’  I replied, ‘I want to go.’ ‘Good.  What will you study?’  ‘I’m not sure’ I said, ‘maybe Geology’.  His reply?  ‘No.  You’ll study business so you can get a job.  Now let’s figure out how you’re going to pay for it!’  I was smart enough to take his advice and we did figure out how to pay for it with lots of help from the Army.  That’s another story.  The business degree worked out too.    

At the end of his life, Dad spent about 10 months in a convalescent facility, St Mary’s in Landsdale, Pa, after suffering a hemorrhagic stroke.  He passed in June of 1996 at the age of 72, way way way too early for all of us who loved him.  As a family we visited St Mary’s to thank the wonderful staff there for taking care of Dad.  The setting was the main reception area, with staff members numbering 20 to 30 in a large circle.  Emotion was palpable.  I’ll never forget one of the nurses commented, ‘You know, even though your dad couldn’t talk and didn’t have mobility, he had CHARISMA!  He said so much with his eyes and smile and we loved him dearly!’ And we did too and what an unforgettable emotional moment that was for my family.  I wish I knew who that nurse was now. 

Those are just a few details on Joe Degnan, and I am sure each of my fellow siblings could offer hundreds more.  What a blessing it is to be given a great father, in a world where so many never have one.  I am grateful to God more and more for the foundation Dad gave his kids. If you still have your dad, give him a hug or a call today and tell him you love him (by the way, that phrase was sure to start what my dad would call ‘the water works’ definitely for him, but the worst crier among the siblings was and remins one of my brothers, to remain nameless here.  He can break all of us too!  

Those are but a few of Joe Degnan’s lessons to the world.

Happy Father’s Day!

(Especially to Michael, Mark, Brian and Kevin)

This post is the first on my new blog.  Did you enjoy it?  Then please subscribe.

Steve   

RELATED
COMMENTS

9 Responses

  1. Beautiful. Love hearing your stories. They resemble so much of my family life. Just we had 3 girls and 3 boys. Work ethics are similar only from a farmers standpoint Life is so precious and you have to indulge in every moment. Make every moment count so they last beyond their existence. Looking forward to your next post!

  2. Well done, Brother Stevo! A very fitting tribute indeed to a man who continues to lead by example……even in eternal life. We are fortunate to have won life’s lottery with both Mom & Dad.

  3. Steve, wonderful story about your dad and I can see through two of the Degnan men that I know how his influence and example are living testament to him. Thank you for sharing.

  4. Steve. This is a wonderful tribute to your father . I’m sure he is very proud of you. I look forward to reading your blog. You are an amazing young man and I enjoy watching you as you continue on your life’s journey. You are such an example of someone dedicating your life to service. Thank you for creating this blog and sharing your history and your philosophy.

  5. Steve, your dad would be very proud of the story you published. Nice job and thanks for sharing.

  6. I enjoyed your article about your Dad, Steve. As I read it, I found myself thinking about father, from thst same “greatest generation”. I look forward to following your blog.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Join our email list for exclusive content, blog posts, and updates from Steve. Sign up now for professional and personal development opportunities you can't miss!

This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.

It isn't just Steve's pragmatism and ability to see all situations through the prism of common sense and fairness that make him the first person I consult when I encounter a challenging situation. It's the fact that his motivations as a professional, philanthropist and friend are born out of a genuine sense of goodness and kind intent. You hear a lot of people that claim to be 'selfless' but with Steve it's really never about HIM. He's smart, thoughtful and compassionate and I am one of many who count him among my most trusted colleagues.