What About the People Who Just Want to be Left Alone?

Pro Tip: know your people and let the competent ones manage what they will and won’t come to. Mandatory fun never is.

Steve Degnan

Speaker, Author, Advisor, CHRO Executive, Non-Profit Board Member, Military Veteran

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There is much talk in any organization about A players, B players, Hi Potentials and dead weight, toxic people etc – among HR people, mangers and leaders. That’s fine. There should be. Let the processes that sort them out happen.

But what about the people who do not seek promotion, yet are competent and just want a job and don’t seek a career. The people who are the glue of the organization, quietly holding it all together and don’t necessarily want high involvement in everything happening at the office? Has it become difficult for them? Do some leaders create drama for them even though they are 100% productive and add value? Who me? Yeah You! You reading this.

As leaders we try to build a culture. We try to create happy events, memories, positive experiences that our people can rally around. These are important, especially in these times when many don’t want anything to do with coming to work physically. We try to create events where people can interact informally. These really are good things. We should do them.

There is a problem however, and that problem is that some want nothing to do with these events. Even in the best organizational cultures. Some people want to come in, do their bit for King and Country and leave. They are just not that into you. They have a life. Maybe a great, fun, enriched life with hobbies and volunteer work and even side hustles that have nothing to do with you or your business.

And yet we get annoyed or pissed when they don’t show, don’t express interest or even show reluctance to participate in our long planned and very cool staff event. Maybe they don’t care for ’Top Golf’ as a venue. Maybe they find bowling an agonizing way to spend an evening. Maybe they have other things to do. Maybe they want to get home and sleep. Maybe they have real family commitments or things they don’t care to tell you about. Forced fun has its limits. Camp Happy was never that happy.

But we are told it’s all about empathy these days and we need to get to know our people. But some of our people don’t really want to know us that way. They have their own support networks and believe in that old fashioned value that seems to have been forgotten called ‘privacy’. Remember that one? Yeah me neither. Now that we are in the world of everyone being an activist, privacy seems like a quaint notion. But you do have employees that want it. And yes I know it’s a fine line between leaving the self fulfilled folks alone and noticing isolated souls with real issues. Guess what – you get paid to find out the differences. Do the work.

They (those who want to be left alone) also want to do their jobs – and well. And even be appreciated for it. But they don’t want to go to the latest baby shower on the floor, because they want to get home on time that day and get their work done. This doesn’t make them the focus of evil in the modern world.
You know what may have been the focus of evil in the modern world? Ropes courses. More on that some other time.

Be reasonable with your PWJWTBLA’s. (People who just want to be left alone). If you really want them there, make the event mandatory during business hours. The optional stuff? Keep doing it and learn to live with the fact that some won’t come. Don’t be a pain about it. Don’t whine. You and I both know the suck ups are always at all of the events and they aren’t breaking records.

BTW – I am exempting offsite meetings from this advice. If you are a PWJWTBLA and get invited, GO. If you are there, participate. It’s on the company’s dime. Get your share of food and booze. It’s a one off. Contribute. Participate.

actories and their leaders are generally better at this, as they have a much more diverse set of characters to deal with than the Dlibertesque characters we find in the office. Emulate them.

Pro Tip: know your people and let the competent ones manage what they will and won’t come to. Mandatory fun never is.

For Executives: Your hobbies and interests are not everyone else’s. Do stuff. Even the stuff you like. But make allowances for those not interested.

All Others: let the bosses know what you will and won’t do outside of core work tasks; make your preferences known. Have the courage to do that and not be passive aggressive.

Stay warm in this cold January, Linkedin Friends!

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It isn't just Steve's pragmatism and ability to see all situations through the prism of common sense and fairness that make him the first person I consult when I encounter a challenging situation. It's the fact that his motivations as a professional, philanthropist and friend are born out of a genuine sense of goodness and kind intent. You hear a lot of people that claim to be 'selfless' but with Steve it's really never about HIM. He's smart, thoughtful and compassionate and I am one of many who count him among my most trusted colleagues.